Your move, Brain.
Time to tear down these mental guardrails.
There’s a war raging right now…
and it’s in my brain. A civil war, as it were, between the optimistic goal-oriented side, eager to write and create, and the cynical side eager to… well, not really eager to do anything, actually.
And neither side really wants to give an inch. So on some days the creative side gains ground only to see the cynical side push back in a counter offensive.
Remember that junk yard scene in Superman III (Yeah, I know it isn’t a very good movie)? Superman has been turned evil by a chunk of Kryptonite but there’s still goodness in him trying to get out. And in this particular scene, the two halves finally battle it out. That’s what it’s like in my head a lot of the time.
If the optimistic side is standing at the base of the mountain, smiling and saying “Why not?” the cynical side is standing before that very same mountain saying, “Why bother?” And it’s very difficult to plant the flag at the summit when you refuse to get off the couch.
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Even maintaining this Substack has lost some of its luster in recent weeks.
My YouTube channel? Haven’t posted anything new in weeks.
My podcast? I still have a few episodes banked, but I need to produce more. But then I find that my interest in that too has started to wane.
Ever feel the same?
Maybe it’s a shift in priorities.
Maybe it’s because recent changes in my life right now have demanded more of my attention.
Or maybe it’s the cynic trying to convince me it isn’t worth it anymore.
But I’m starting to think that the part of my mind that says, “Why bother?” is the result of artificial expectations…
that what I write on Substack has to follow a certain formula
that I have to post a new video to YouTube on a regular cadence
that I have to finish that new screenplay be a certain date.
That there are some kind of rules.
But there aren’t.
I worry so much about meeting certain expectations that it can sometimes keep me from even trying.
So why set up parameters when there is no one to answer to but myself?
For example, I have an idea for another feature-length screenplay—a film that I could very well produce myself on a very, very low budget. It’s a self-contained paranoid thriller with only two main characters and two supporting characters. And I already have free access to the location. I’ve even started writing the outline.
Now, the cynic would say, “Don’t even start. You’ll never have the money to produce this. It will never go anywhere. It will take forever. You’ll never make any money back.”
But I’m not going to put limitations on myself as to when this needs to be finished or when I would like to produce it. I don’t want to concern myself with who might be on my crew; who I can turn to for financing help.
I’ll just work on it as little, or as much as I want to—when I want to.
And I’ll finish when I finish. And I’ll be okay with that.
The older I get, the more I understand that verse in the book of James that says “Your life is but a vapor.”
Life is finite. And if I focus too much on that fact, I begin fretting over all the things I haven’t done or experienced. And I start to feel rushed, like I have to accomplish so many things before my time is up.
But if you put too much pressure on yourself you may be too scared to even get started.
Remember what it was like when you went swimming at the beach when you were a kid.
You were so focused on what was happening right in front of you—the swimming, the playing, the friends/family around you—that you didn’t even realize how far the current took you down from your beach umbrella. That is, until you looked up.
So…
Forget self-imposed deadlines.
Don’t put a number on the quantity of work you should produce or how often you should be producing.
Ignore the voice that tells you shouldn’t do it in the first place.
Don’t make up any rules of how your work should be formatted or what it should be about.
Forget all of it.
Just concentrate on what’s right in front of you.
You’ll be surprised at how far you’ll go.